SEPTEMBER MORNING

Here we are, September. Another summer behind us as we send our children back to school, harvest our gardens, watch the leaves change and marvel at the morning dew clinging to the spider webs that abound through out the yard everwhere. Sunflowers reach for the sky, their great yellow heads beckoning us to take part in the last burst of summer.

 There is a hint of nostalgia as we begin our preperations for the months ahead but there is also contentment and excitment. We look back over the pictures of summer, reliving the special moments. The ones that stand out as memories never to be forgotten. I had quite a few of those kinds of moments this past summer. Ones that will stay with me throughout the cold nights that are surely ahead. There was the time when I lied in my tent and watched the fireflies up high in the trees, twinkling, little lights everwhere. They only come out once a year and last only a little while. I am so very glad I have a tent that has an open mesh ceiling that I can uncover on special nights such as those ones. I snuggled down in my sleeping bag and gazed at the night sky, stars, fireflies and towering pines. Another special moment was taking part in a Native Sunrise Ceremony. Myself, my husband and my daughter stood together with 20 other brave souls that morning and took part in a ceremony that I will never forget. Strangers bound together by a beautiful sunrise celebrating creation together as one. A new morning, a fresh start. Each day we are on earth we are presented with this every morning. Amazing.

 There were nights sitting by the lake where the stars were so abundant they reflected in the water creating a world of sparkling wonder. Moments where you feel the need to speak in hushed whispers as night falls, because you don't want to disturb the immense beauty around you. There were the mournful cries of loons in the night, the rustle of deer outside the tent as we were sleeping, owls whoo hooing as our eyes slowly closed. There were white sandy beaches, cold oceans, warm lakes, country roads and the smell of woodsmoke on our clothes. But most of all, there was the times of just being together. Having these moments with those that I love the most. When I look back over the last couple months there were times of hardships too. Losing my beloved dog Barley, work pressures, crazy days and some sleepless nights where the worries seem so much more daunting than they do in the light of day. But the special moments, the ones that make you feel like you are part of something much greater than we can ever imagine, are the ones I choose to remember. Focusing on the wonders of life that surround us all. The free gift of nature that is worth more than any million,  is there for us each and everday. We can count on the sunrise and we can count on the sunset. We can set our clocks to it, it is that loyal. Nature never disappoints. It can be rageful, like the hurricane we experienced this summer, and it can be cruel, but it certainly does not disappoint, whether it is in its powerful beauty, or its gentle hush. I loved summer, and now I look happily forward to the Autumn approaching. Where there will be more moments to cherish and enjoy. I can't wait. I will end this post with some of my pictures of summer. Enjoy. Happy September everybody, may it be filled with love, laughter and cherished moments.

SUMMER VACATION

Well, from hurricanes to destroyed veggie gardens and downed trees, summer came off with a windy start. No internet for weeks after and having to wait for the rural repair people to fix us up and then leaving for vacation to our camp which has no internet was something to behold, let me tell you. But we are back home, our internet is back up and running and life is returning to its somewhat normal routine. Its amazing when you take away the electonics, how life changes. The games battleship and crib made an appearance after collecting dust in the back of a cupboard somewhere. All the many world crisis' that occurred while we were offline went virtually unnoticed as we didnt' listen to the radio either. We were in a non electronic bliss and all was well in the world.

Of course this self induced bliss can't last forever and we came back to the land of the living to hear of horrific plane crashes and war, but the thing that I noticed most was that, even though I heard about it after the fact, because it was in the past and not the current news story, I was mostly spared all the graphic images and stories that often accompany news items such as these. And that was a welome relief. I really do think its ok to take a break from all that stuff once in awhile, and that's what we did this vacation. I have been experiencing a lot of stess these past few months and they have taken a toll. So what we did was focus on ourselves this vacation and have a little hubby and I alone time. I read 5 books, went canoeing, hiking and fishing. We explored quaint little towns and dirt roads that lead to lakes and rivers and sandy beaches. And all this was at our doorstep. I feel very blessed to live in such a magnificent little place in the world. Listening to the loons lonely cry at night as the darkness fell and the fire crackled, glass of wine in hand, really helped wash away some of the strain that life has been handing out this past while. I feel truly rejuvinated. Now back to reality. But before I go, I will leave you with a few picturesque highlights of our Nova Scotia Staycation.

STORMY WEATHER

A lot has been happening in our neck of the woods lately. Hurricane Arthur made landfall in Yarmouth Nova Scotia last Saturday and since the storm we have had no internet up until today. Wow, when you live in a home that relies completely on internet for television, blogging, social media and communication, it packs a big punch when its not available. That said, we were luckier than most as we only lost power here for about 12 hours. As of today, there are still some in our community going without so I really can't complain too much.

We did receive a lot of damage to the yard though, losing many many trees. We also lost most of our crop of peaches, all the plums and some of our vegetable garden was flattened. Arthur hit the shore with winds sustained at 140km/h and wreaked havoc on the shore. There are downed trees through much of the community and the massive clean up has begun.

My favorite tree in the yard weathered the storm remarkably though and I am so happy to see it is still standing.

Other than the hurricane, life has been busy as usual. Summer activities are in full swing and vacation is just around the corner. We aren't doing a whole lot this year. Just going to the property and a little camping here and there. Cape Breton and New Brunswick are on our radar and I look forward to sharing some of that scenery. I have been to Cape Breton only once and it was absolutely stunning. I an understand why its rated one of the top ten island destinations in the world.

I'm hoping the slow down in to vacation mode will give me a little more time for quiet reflection and inspiration for writing. Working in a small office all day behind a computer makes coming home to sit behind yet another screen and start typing a hard decision to make. Especially when the sun and yard beckon me outdoors. So summer posts will probably be down to a minimum this year unless internet finds me somewhere on the vacation trail. Happy summer every one.

THE SOUNDS OF SILENCE

I am going to do a little experiment in centering myself before I begin writing today. What I am going to do now is close my eyes and listen intently to the world around me. Then I am going to begin typing all the things I hear. (Thank goodness I can type with my eyes closed. Thank you Grade 11 typing class) Here it goes:

The hum of the refrigerator, rain on the roof, my little dog breathing, the sound of a video game in the other room, the sound of my children's voices as they play together, my own heat beat, my breathing, my fingers typing on the keys, rain drops hitting the windows, the washing machine on spin cycle. As I listen more intently I can here the changes in the rain. From heavy downpour to trickling and back to downpour, surging up and down like the sea. I can almost smell the dank wetness of the day. There is a sound of raindrops in the chimney pipe and I remember there is a small leak to fix. These are the sounds around me. A 5 minute relaxation of all the things that surround me in this moment in time. A great way to relax.

I tend to this often. Take a break, close my eyes and listen. I love to do it in the woods, where the sounds of nature are so diverse. There will be the chipper of a squirrel, the leaves rustling in the trees above or the dripping of water after a rain. I also love to lie in the grass in an open field and watch the clouds float past above me. Here in Nova Scotia the clouds seem so much closer than they did out west. I assume this is because we don't have any mountains here, but whatever the reason, I love it. The big white puffy balls of cotton drift past against the deepest of blue skies, and I sigh in contentment as the grass tickles my arms and an ant will crawl across my leg as I lie still and breathe. This is how I meditate and relax. It brings me a renewed energy.

Life is so full of anxieties and pressures. That's why taking these moments trying to use all our 5 senses are so important. When we take to time to sit still and listen, hear, smell, taste and touch we become in tune with our own body as well as the environment around us. The other night at the lake I decided to set up the tent to sleep in. I absolutely love sleeping outdoors and the great thing about my tent is that I can roll back the tent fly and see through to the sky above. As I lied in my sleeping bag, I looked up through the mesh above. The night sky sparkled with stars, framed by the towering shadows of the pine trees all around. Lightning bugs darted back and forth amongst the branches above and I snuggled down in to my sleeping bag and listened to the camp fire outside crackle and pop as its warm glow reflected inside the tent walls. Toads and frogs were singing and chirping as the night breeze blew through the tent windows. I turned to my husband and whispered...."I will never forget this moment.." And I won't. It was true perfection.

So even though life's journey can be difficult, as long as we take a few moments of perfection and weave them in to our own personal tapestry, we can create and live the perfect little moments in time that bring brightness and happiness to any situation. From a tent in the woods, to the hum of a refrigerator in your home. All these things mean your alive. Your are here to live it, feel it, see it, breathe it, smell it and taste it. What an amazing gift.

Here are a few photos of my little moments that brought me happiness this past weekend. Cheers!

THE PASSAGE OF TIME

The other day I was on a walk with my daughter. We were at the lake and she wanted to go exploring together. I was all for it. So she grabbed her walking stick, I filled my water bottle and off we went in to the wild. There is nothing like checking out new territory. Around every corner awaits a surprise. The sun was hot on our faces and arms as we trudged along talking and laughing. She is growing up so fast and I can’t help but want to hang on to these moments for as long as I can. We stopped and explored a giant ant hill. We talked about what it must look like underground and how fun it would be to be able to shrink down and explore all the tunnels and caverns the ants had made. We saw a few Painted Turtles along the way, and she fearlessly reached out and stroked its shell, absolutely mesmerized.

 What was so special about this time together is that it was just her and I. I really haven’t realized that since I've returned to being a working Mom, our alone time together has really suffered. I’m always in a rush, going here and there and everywhere. Rushing to get supper ready, rushing to do the housework, off to work, off to school. Downtime is rare. But these are the moments I can’t get back. She won’t always be excited by the ants or the turtles. She may not always want to talk my ear off about every little thing that happened at school. In a few years she may not want to go for a walk, holding my hand. And all too soon that day will come and she’s going to be gone. Off on her own, embarking on her own journeys. Just as my son did a week ago. He has left home to begin his career and start his new life. He has his own apartment, new job, cooking his own suppers and paying his own bills. He is a grown man. It feels as if I blinked, and it was over. After we moved him in, I got in my car and looked up to where I thought his window must be. I turned the key in the ignition, put the car in gear and pulled away, leaving my first born behind. My mind flashed back to 16 years before when I put him on the school bus for the first time. I still remember his little red back pack too big for his tiny frame. I remember his jeans being a touch too long and that his shoe lace on his little shoe was undone as he climbed up those big old stairs on the yellow bus. He glanced back at me looking for reassurance and I bravely smiled and motioned him to go on even though I wanted to snatch him up and take him home.  Then I  could just see the top of his blonde head through the windows as he made his way down the aisle. He found a seat and looked out at me as I waved and the bus pulled out and away, my baby on board.  I cried my eyes out. Years later I did the same with my other son, and then my daughter. All those moments felt exactly the same way. As if a big shift had taken place and that they had taken another step out in to the world without me. And this is as it should be. They need to gain their independence and find their way. When my middle child goes to camp on his own this summer for the first time, it’s going to be hard. For me, and for him. But these are all the moments. The moments of growing up and maturing.

 But for this mom, I want to cherish and enjoy every special moment, no matter how big or small. I want a few more walks to look at the ant hills and turtles and talk about flowers and kids on the playground. I want a few more Christmas concerts listening to my son as he plays in the band, my heart swelling with pride. Time moves by so quickly it feels as if I can't catch my breath. It's like moment after moment is slipping away. It's not a bad thing, its the journey of life. But just once in awhile  I wish time would slow down just a little, so I can savor the special moments for a little longer.

CHAOS, QUIET AND REFLECTION

So it has been a very long time since I have had the chance to even sit down and put fingers to keys. The end of the school year is always a time of immense chaos. There are recitals, band concerts, gardens to put in  and work obligations. Throw in Dr's appointments and lot clearing and what you get is pure exhaustion. But today, is a day just for me. I have no where to be, heaps to do but I'm ignoring that, and I am going to spend the day doing whatever it is I want to. Much too much time has passed lately where I am running here and there and everywhere, and tomorrow will once again be one of those days where I actually have to physically be in 2 different places at once at the same time. Haven't figured that out yet, but I am not going to worry about it today.

So today is about quiet, reflection and taking a good hard look at what is giving me fulfillment and happiness and what isn't. As you all know by now, nature is my happy place. It's where I go to find peace and tranquility and how I center back to what's important. It's where I can hear my thoughts again and see with more clarity the way my life should be. This past weekend we finally took our canoe out for it's maiden voyage and I can' t even begin to describe to you how very happy this made me. All problems vanished with the first dip of the paddle.

Our recreational property is located on a lake that is suitable for paddling only, so as you head out on the water there is nothing but silence. There is no traffic, roads or loud engines, only the sound of the water lapping against the sides of the boat and wind whispering through the trees. We surprised a loon as we paddled around the corner of an island and she rose up on her haunches and let out the typical loon cry. We passed an active beaver lodge and followed a river up to a perfect fishing hole where the trout were literally jumping out of the water. We found out later this lake is stocked with fish so it looks like there are many days ahead of fishing in that idyllic little spot.

Because life has been so hectic and crazy, my ability to stop and enjoy the moment is becoming a difficult thing to do. I don`t want to fall back in to that way of life that just does not bring me any personal fulfillment. Taking the time to sit back and relax and just be are so important, and I really need to refocus and spend as much time as I can paddling, fishing, stopping to enjoy a sunset and sipping a nice cool glass of wine around a crackling fire. That is my personal bliss.

Life is a funny thing. We all have our own journeys to make, and even though we make those journeys with other people by our side, whether it be a spouse, friends, family or children, really our own destiny and our own thoughts are just that. Our own. No one can change your inner thoughts and feelings, and no one can really completely know how things are for you. This just isn`t possible. So your own inner dialogue is yours alone and only you have the power to change it. I read an interview with Eckhart Tolle this morning on the Huffington Post website which I will quote here as it made a tremendous impression on me:

``Thought can be so seductive and hypnotic that it absorbs your attention totally, so you become your thoughts. When you become your thoughts, that is the ego. To realize that you are not your thoughts is when you begin to awaken spiritually. For example, when your mind is very critical of yourself or other people, frequently complaining or berating yourself or creating anxiety by worrying about what might go wrong in the future, this creates a lot of unhappiness. Then you reach a point where you ask yourself, what is the root of this unhappiness I feel all the time. And then you may be amazed to realize that in most cases when you are unhappy, you`re not unhappy because of something that`s happening in your life; you`re unhappy because of what your mind is telling you about it. It`s not a situation or an event that makes you unhappy but your mental commentary about it, the voice in your head. When you realize that, that`s when you begin to disidentify from the voice in your head.```

I really love what he has to say, because I really feel in life we have the ability to change our paths. I`m not saying it`s happy go lucky all the time, and in fact from human suffering often comes immense change, but I do think we can control how we approach a situation, how we find forgiveness instead of hanging on to what we perceive as wrong doings and how we can make changes to live a life in the present.

This is something I really need to work on as I have been swept up in to the crazy, chaotic life as working mother once again. But even though at this point I need to do that, I can find ways of being present in the moment, even when I`m doing something I don`t really want to do. And when I do get those moments, in the canoe, or casting a line or just listening to the silence of the night broken only by the mournful cry of a loon as the stars flicker above, I am going to savor and enjoy everything around me. That my friends, makes life worth living.

FREEDOM

I love this picture for so many reasons.

For one, it captures my daughter's spirit and personality perfectly. That's her! But it also invokes in me my longing for freedom. To feel I can leap off a rock and launch in to the air, free.

In life there are so many responsibilities. We have to provide for ourselves and our families. Go to work, extracurricular activities, volunteer, keep up the house, grow the garden, make supper, eat healthy, worry about money, friends, funerals, weddings, familial obligations. But when I look at the picture above, that is what I want my life to be and what I aspire to achieve. Total freedom. Now, I'm not saying that I don't want all the above responsibilities. In fact, I thrive on most of them (funerals being the exception, especially if its mine) But I want those things that I'm responsible for to be in the right balance, so that I may feel in life the way that picture makes me feel.

Working in long term care day after day I am witness to where the journey ends for people. The life they have lived is mostly just a memory, and their reality now is not ideal. It is a constant reminder of why it is so important to make every second count which is hard to do when we have obligations and jobs to do. In life we are constantly tasked with things that if given the choice, we wouldn't do. That's just life. But I truly believe we have control over what brings us joy and happiness.

For me, my big hurdle in life is stress and the inability to say no. When I agree to do something that I don't want to do but feel obligated to do it, I am racked with stress and resentment. So much so that it can consume me at times. But if I say no to something, then I am overwhelmed with guilt and feelings that I'm being selfish for saying no. Can you see the problem here? It's a damned if I do, damned if I don't scenario. So what I'm really working on these days is trying to recognize that it isn't selfish to say no. There shouldn't be any guilt attached to myself not wanting to do something just because someone wants me to. The same goes for expectations. Why should I allow someone else's expectations of me become more important than the expectations I have for myself? When I think of it in these terms it becomes clear to me that there is no reason to ever commit or do something that you don't feel is the right thing for yourself.

Writing this blog has been a great thing for me. It's allowed me to get my artist juices flowing in a way that I never imagined. I know its not the best writing, but it's me. It has given me the courage to have a good hard look at my life and what I want it to be and most of all have recognized who is in this life along side me to be the best that we can all be and who isn't.

Creating personal freedom is not about turning my back on my responsibilities, but it is about making my journey in life mine. No one is going to live my life but me so I shouldn't allow any one else to do so. I love my husband and my children and they are my joy and my freedom. So even though I go to work sometimes wishing I was anywhere but there (as we all do sometimes) the result of that work day is the ability to provide for what brings me joy and that gives me pleasure. But worrying about what any one thinks of me and my idea of life and the way I live it or want to approach it shouldn't be my concern. And for too long I've allowed it to be this way.

So here's to personal freedom and satisfaction. I am leaping off my rock in to the wild blue yonder. Let's see where it takes me.